Thankful for the Sun

Dare I say, I think that spring is officially here! (although tomorrow I think it is supposed to rain again...yay) It is so nice to feel the warm sun on my face, and I absolutely love walking around the yard each week to see what new plants are popping up. We planted a new lawn a few weeks ago, and it finally got the courage to sprout, so hopefully in a month or so Andy can try out his new riding lawn mower and Aiden can play outside!

Andy has been working a lot lately, so I have had a few quiet evenings to myself, after Aiden goes to bed of course. Tonight I am typing away, watching the sun go down, and eating Andy's ice cream (as Kevin in Home Alone would say "I'm eating junk and watching rubbish, you better come out and stop me!"). Sometimes this is really nice and welcome, but sometimes it just leaves me too much time to think, which is sometimes no good. I have been thinking a lot lately about how in about a month and a half, all that I have been working toward and building (outside of this house and family) for the last 10 years (college included) will be done, my seed girl identity will be over. I'm not sure how and I'm not sure why, but this reality really hit home last weekend , and more than a few tears followed. No more big sales, no more wheeling and dealing, no more writing up an awesome order...all that thrill will be gone. I know that my decision to "retire" (that's what I like to call it), is and was 100% mine, and it was absolutely the best and most important decision I will ever make, it is still kind of sucky. After 1. wife and 2. mom, what will my identity be? Do I need a 3rd?

I am thankful that I will still be working extremely part time and only from home, and that I have ag fest for my adult outlet. And don't get me wrong, I am very excited to be able to stay home with Aiden, to have time to actually get the laundry done (without help from the amazing grandmas), keep the house clean, and make dinner without feeling like I am constantly running around like a chicken with my head cut off. My type-A absolutley does not funtion at 100% in that senario, and Andy and Aiden are the main victims. I am thrilled to have time to grow an awesome garden and to be able to put a lot of it away in the freezer (instead of watching the weeds outgrow the veggies), and to just have flexibility to do what is best for Andy and Aiden.

But part of me is going to mourn the big part of me that has to go away, maybe for a few years, maybe forever.